To Sleep Perchance to Dream
by emeraldeyedirishdaughter
Summary: The doctor is afraid to sleep, afraid of the nightmares that are unstoppable.


Disclaimer – Dr Who, references to Gallifrey & the works of the Great Bard are not owned by me. Just the muse to string them together.

_**To die: to sleep;**_ _**No more; and by a sleep to say we end**_ _**The heart-ache **_

_**and the thousand natural shocks**_ _**That flesh is heir to, **_

_**'tis a consummation**_ _**Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;**_

_**To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;**_

_**For in that sleep of death what dreams may come **_

_**- From Hamlet by William Shakespeare.**_

Of the many quirks of human nature he considers sleep to be one of the most interesting. Snoozing, power napping, 40 winks, dozing, having a kip, call it what you will. It all meant the same. A natural periodic state of rest for the mind and body. The eyes closing and consciousness is partially or fully lost. Humans seemed to need a lot of it. At least 8 hours a day seemed to be relatively normal judging by his observations and experience with the stupid apes.

He doesn't need sleep or so he tells his companions. Different physiology is his excuse. Well no sleep is stretching the truth a bit far. He does but only for an hour or two and usually when the humans are all abed so they never know he speaks untruths.

They would never notice anyway, so deep in their slumbers their sub-conscious coming out to play as dreams fill their heads. A characteristic cycle of brain-wave activity that has infinite possibilities. Almost as many as the threads of time he sees within his own mind.

Whatever his excuses he secretly envies these humans and the easiness that they accept the nature of sleeping and dreaming. He knows about dreams. How often they have woven into them tendrils of real life, truths about events past and present. He knows only too well and this is the real reason he will not sleep for in dreams he finds no peace. In dreams he only finds nightmares and death. They devour him and escape is futile.

He's dreaming now. He fought it for so long but the toll of the last few days has caught up with him. At first he avoided it like he always does by working out long equations, tinkering with the unending maintenance of his beloved ship but always he cannot escape the inevitable. Sleep he must even for a short time and begrudgingly falls into the arms of Morpheus.

He walks amidst a garden that he easiy recognises. It was his favourite place when he was a child. A picturesque scene that only existed within the boundaries of his family home. Located half way up the mountain he had perfect views of the citidel. He never spent much time looking there as they never had much time for him, pompous lot that they were. Instead he reveled in the beauty of the silver leafed trees that seemed to chime in the gentle breeze. Spent lazy days just scrunching his toes into the blood red grass. When the second sun rose everything shone with unending radiance and in his innocence so did he. This was his piece of Gallifey on the continent of Wild Endeavour. It burnt brightly across the galaxy. The Shining world of the Seven systems. Then it was burning and as he gazed about his beloved garden in fear it began to crumble into nothingness. Trees, grass, flora & fauna all on fire. His family home turning to ash before him as agony shot through his heart.

The dream moves on and from within the familiar walls of his Tardis he sees the reality of the nightmare. The full scale war between Dalek & Time Lords. If he believed in such things then he would say that hell had come to pay them a visit and the only way out had a high price. Laughing bitterly he sees the irony of what must happen. The rebel amongst the Time Lords now has to make a terrible choice. The rulers of his people had ridiculed, tormented & punished him many times over the years. Now here he was having to make that final bitter decision. Choice what choice – there was none. He'd been called many things in his previous incarnations but one fell to mind as he did what needed to be done. Destroyer of Worlds.

Hands to his ears he tries to repress the sound of screams. The monitor of the Tardis shows the full truth of his actions. Enemy & Time Lords alike are being destoyed. The planet beneath him burns before its time along with everything on it including his people. There is no hope, death is certain and eventually the planet is gone too. Not a speck of where a shining world once stood. Not a trace of his wonderful sanctuary and worst of all no voices inside his head.

The silence inside his mind is louder than the screams he heard before. He comes to the realisation that he's alone and that scares him more than all that has just previously come to pass. Piercing shrieks sound again but they are his own this time desperately reaching out for someone to answer him. His mind searching for a sound, a voice that will not come and the space inside him remains empty. Shouting turns to weeping as he sinks into the black hole of sorrow that he's now caught up in wishing death would come and claim him as well. There is nothing left to live for.

On the edges of his despair there is a soft voice. Tears checked he is striving to find the source of it but the dream is not yet ready to release him. In his present state he believes he is going mad but the voice is insistent. It penetrates his anguish with its soothing dulcet tones like a mother to her upset child. He hears words that wash over him, easing his grief and there is a sense of warm touch permeating throughout his body that calms his fears. He doesn't believe in angels yet right now he's willing too as peace pours back into his tortured mind like a gentle salve healing a wound. His exhausted psyche embraces this unusual reprieve and he stops dreaming. As he sinks into a rare blissful slumber he feels a gentle touch on his mouth and hopes this miracle will always be there to protect him from his nightmares.

She had heard him from her bedroom. The larger then life Time Lord screaming in his sleep. Her surprise that he did sleep quickly gave way once she saw him writhing on his bed, his face a picture of pain and anguish. He is shouting things about his planet burning and although he has not told her the whole story she knows enough to understand he must be dreaming about the Time War.

Sitting on the bed she tries to bring him back to reality but can not wake him. Now he has tears falling from his closed eyes, crying out that he is alone. She feels wetness on her own face as her heart breaks for this man beside her. No one being should be left to feel such grief. Such a burden is too high a price especially considering what he had already tragically lost. She lies beside him enfolding his body in her arms. Her maternal instincts reach out and she tells him that everything is okay. She is here. He is not alone and never will be again. She tells him she will stay with him forever and do everything she can to take away his nightmares and replace them with dreams far sweeter. After a while he eventually calms, relaxes in her arms into what she is sure is a dreamless slumber. She places a gentle kiss on his lips before placing her head on his shoulder and drifts off into sleep herself. Her last thought is that she will be there when he wakes and will do so as long as he needs her.


End file.
